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Sally always had the sniffles. At first they didn’t bother her, but whenever she got a cold her sniffles turned into dribbles and she would have to blow her nose all day long. If you ever saw her garbage can you would see it was always at least half full of tissues that she had blown her snot into.

At night when it got chilly the snot would crawl out of their tissue beds in the garbage can, crawl across the floor littered with my little pony dolls and climb up the side of her bed into her blue-plaid flannel sheets to snuggle up next to her. She called them the snot snugglers because that is exactly what they were and what they did – snot that snuggled. Sometimes she didn’t even know they were there, but when she had that recurring nightmare where the monster came out from under her bed and chased her around the house they were always there for her. Snuggling and cuddling close to her until her tears stopped.

Some other nights they would come into her bed and tickle her toes and under her nose until she woke up laughing so hard she was crying. The snot snugglers were not very good at drying her tears though, they would just become even more snotty and gross. As much as Sally loved the snot snugglers, she found them to be pretty disgusting too. But when she woke up hungry she could eat them, and it was almost the same as picking her nose, yet more filling. It was just like the difference between tiramisu and cheesecake, everyone knows cheesecake is more filling.

a small town girl

As a small town girl, Giselle had a great life. She was well liked in the community of Woolley and had gained respect as a first-class horse trainer. The horses really responded to her well because as a unicorn she was to the horses (almost) the equivalent of Jesus among the humans. Except unicorns are much more common than Jesus (there is only one Jesus, he just keeps resurrecting himself). Unicorns are fairly common because they can cut through the fabric that separates their world from our world with their horns and climb right through to our side, but then it closes up behind them so no one else can get through. Which is really too bad because there are some pretty cool dragons and monsters that live in their world.

Eventually Giselle grew tired of small town life. She wanted to explore the big city. She took a rainbow into the City one day (as that was her preferred method of transportation, flying seemed too cliche). She arrived without any money so she decided to enter a horse race at City Park Raceway. Her race name was Pumpkin Cheesecake and no one seemed to mind that she was the only unicorn racing all these horses. She came in third place and left with $500 to her name. Not bad for a small town girl.

“Good race, pretty lady,” said a tall man with a bright red baseball cap.

“Thanks, it was my first race in the City,” responded Giselle.

The man invited her out for a celebration lunch, which Giselle politely accepted. They walked to a nice place called Seto Cafe which served all day breakfast so she decided to order the breakfast special for $3.50. However, on the way to the cafe Giselle got an uneasy feeling in her stomach. The man kept looking at her with this weird grin on his face, and they did not pass another unicorn at all on the street and none drove by that she saw either. In most big cities she knew that the unicorn population was pretty large, but for some reason here there didn’t seem to be any.

They ate lunch and had a good conversation where the man asked Giselle all about her hometown and the horse training she did. He said he had a farm and would love for her to come work on it. Giselle was very grateful to the man, even though she was not sure if she trusted him or not.

They drove to his farm and when they got there she saw a huge barn, but almost no grasslands for horses to wander about and roam free as they should.

The man motioned for her to follow him and told her to come with him so she could meet the horses.

Giselle followed as instructed, but as soon as the gates opened four more men jumped out and tied her up. She looked into the barn and all she saw were rows upon rows of unicorns. They were all tied up and their heads were bent down so their horns were boiling in the buckets of water placed in front of them. Giselle screamed and wrestled with the men, but was unable to escape. She was put into an empty slot between two of the unicorns in the very centre of the whole barn.  They told her that tomorrow she would have to boil her horn like the others.

The men left and she was alone with all the unicorns. She introduced herself to her neighbouring unicorns. On one side of her was Aurora and on the other side was Maxine. She asked them what was going on.

“Well,” Maxine responded, “the Big City has a huge problem with gangs and gang violence related to drugs. The largest gang in the City is called Grey Hermit Crab, and members of Grey Hermit Crab are the most greedy people you have ever met. They produce the most drugs out of any gang in the country.”

“Yeah,” interjected Aurora, “they stole my Mom when I was only six years old! They discovered how to use the marsenium in unicorn horns to make a drug that allows people to fly. However, the marsenium only releases the active ingredient for the drug if we are still alive, so that’s why they boil our horns and keep us captive.”

Now Giselle realized why there were no unicorns in the City. News had traveled the country so most unicorns knew to avoid the Big City but in her small town Giselle was the only unicorn and she had never heard of this. Any unicorns that were in the City, were now in this barn with her.

Giselle was not going to let them get away with this.

“Listen up unicorns,” yelled Giselle so that it echoed off the walls of the barn, “we are not going to remain captive here. Everyone must follow my lead so we can escape. Tomorrow these men will pay the price.” She proceeded to explain her plan for how the unicorns would escape from the torture they were enduring daily in the barn.

The next day at around 8 am, the five men returned to the barn. They were surprised to see the unicorns had already put their horns into the boiling water. Normally the men have to order them to do so and then restrain them.  They walked along the centre of the barn observing their unicorns. When they reached Giselle she yelled the code word and all the unicorns knew what they had to do.

Aurora had a man right in front of her so she took the opportunity to poke his eyes out with her horn, which also melted them a bit from since her horn was so hot from the boiling water. She then stabbed her horn through his heart so he would bleed to death. Most of the unicorns had escaped from their cages by this time, burning through them with their scolding hot horns. They all poked and prodded at the men violently until each of the five men lay dead or dying on the barn floor.

Once all unicorns were free and the men had each taken their last breath, the unicorns headed out the doors of the barn to gave their thanks to Giselle and say their goodbyes. The rain outside the barn was still strong, but the sun had started to shine through, giving each of the unicorns a rainbow on which to ride home. While watching these majestic creatures gallop along the rainbows and over the Big City, a feeling of peace came over the land.  After this massacre at the barn, crime in the Big City was significantly reduced and the members of Grey Hermit never committed any crimes when rainbows were in the sky for fear of additional vengeance from the unicorns.

Whispers of the Wind

My beloved,
i am writing you these words straight from my heart, as it pounds with passion for you. When you left me alone on msn today i cried a typhoon of tears and washed away all the dreams I had of you. I hope that you write me a letter full of your words of our love soon as each day that passes without you by my side feels like a century and your sweet words are the only thing that make it better. When you move to Vancouver we can be together forever and nothing will ever get in the way of our eternal embers that burn for each other. Our love is a fire that will no go out! Tonight we will be together in our dreams, with the sunrising on our future together. I will love you, always, forever.

Your one true love

The Art of Kristian Adam

Today I checked out Word on the Street around the Vancouver Public Library’s central branch (aka downtown). It was a great event with lots of terrific information, cool authors, Olympic athletes, and artists.

My eye got caught in the web of Kristian Adam’s work as I was exploring the information overload at WOTS. His style definitely leaves an impression, to say the least! The variety of his themes is pretty awesome as there is something to satisfy every taste and age. You can check out his work online, or in person at Ayden Gallery in Tinseltown, on the second floor.

Here are a few samples of his work – if you like them buy them! His prints are a super reasonable way to have outstanding art in your home while supporting local artists.

Curry at the Temple

You walk into a warm room at the temple and head over to the right-hand side of the room where a row of five sinks stands in a row. You head of to the sinks to wash and dry your hands, only then turning to examine the room. Along the wall next to the entrance is a carpet where people have laid their belongings: skateboards, backpacks, purses, clothing items etc. Three long tables are set up in the room with wooden chairs along them; two of the tables are completely full of people not much older or younger than you are. The third table has plenty of space available so you grab a spot slightly to the right of the middle, facing the door. The kitchen is on your right. The people at the tables are all sitting, speaking softly and looking towards the kitchen hopefully. You have been warned not to take too much food because you must finish it all before you can leave.

Finally, the kitchen is ready and calls everyone over. Every rushes over at once to get a good spot in line. You wait your turn patiently, grabbing the metal cup, a spoon, and a metal tray divided into compartments like a child’s tv dinner tray. Going along the line you accept the curry-like items. You refuse a couple of the items in the middle that look extra spicy, this doubles as an exit strategy that you will thank yourself for later. You then help yourself to rice and the dessert items, and head back to your spot at the table. Dropping off your tray of food you then take your cup over to fill it with water, returning to your seat and starting to eat. Everyone eats as though they have not seen food for days. It is delicious, some of the best curry you have ever tasted, although never having been to India there is a possibility that there is better out there.

Finally, people start telling stories of previous visits there. How they have learned to show respect. People discuss how often they come. One man has been coming for fourteen years. He tells of how just a few weeks ago he decided, for the first time ever in his fourteen year tenure, to ask if he could take some of the food home for his niece. He was told he could – so he fills his container with extra food. Then the one man in the blue turban that has been watching each of us closely throughout the meal had told him that he was not allowed to take it with him, and to sit down and eat it right there. The other men asked what he was doing, and said not to listen to the man with the blue turban, and to go ahead and take the food home, which he did. You and everyone at the table are allowed in on this secret that the man in the blue turban thinks he is in charge, but really is not.

You finish most of your food, especially enjoying the one pasta item that tastes oddly like rice pudding. The only problem is that you got two pieces of naan bread, when you really have room for nothing more. You are stuffed as it is. You ate every last drop off your plate and are feeling ready to explode, but you still have the problem of one whole naan bread on your plate, plus a bit more. You feel as though you cannot even finish the first piece, nevermind the second. Looking over you see a scruffy-faced guy rolling up his one piece of naan bread that he too couldn’t finish, and stuffing it into his pants. You smile at him. He says the birds love it anyhow. You roll up your extra naan bread, and while none of the men are looking (especially not the one in the blue turban) you quickly place it in your bag. You were smart and brought your bag with you to the table just for this purpose. In the future you will remember to always bring your bag with you, possibly lined with a few plastic bags incase you cannot finish some of the less solid food items on your plate. You will also remember to ask for only one piece of naan bread, even though they always want to give you two. That is the secret for anyone going to eat curry at the temple.

Luna llena!

If you are the type of person that reads reviews of items on Amazon to help you decide if you should buy an item or not, be warned! You will want to buy the following t-shirt:

I don’t know how this all started, but it only goes to prove the power of the internet. Even if is is just a few friends who thought it would be funny, the amount of effort that people put into these reviews is insane! Take a look for yourself.

Thanks to chrisbrogan.com for being the one to introduce me to this review section!

WHO on HIV/AIDS

Religion or Science?

Which will stop the spread of HIV/AIDS? (read this article to help you decide). I can’t decide if I should laugh or cry…

From the World Health Organization website, for those of you who, like myself, were curious:

Kevin M. De Cock, MD, is the director of the WHO Department of HIV/AIDS, a post to which he has been appointed after serving six years as Director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Kenya. In his new role, Dr De Cock will oversee all of WHO’s work related to HIV/AIDS, focusing on initiatives to assist developing countries in scaling up their treatment, prevention, care and support programmes.

Slicer Sled to the Rescue!

I found the best invention EVER! Yes, better than sliced bread! (but maybe not sliced bagels, as those are harder to cut) It is called the slicer… it is a sled that you can use in the winter, and the summer! It has specially fitted ice packs that allow you to sled on ice even during the summer!

I think the video speaks for itself:

If anyone has one of these, let me know! It’s like the slip n slide taken to a whole new level!

One of my favourite questions to ask people is: If you could have one super power what would it be and why?

I always say teleportation. Some people choose to be invisible, or to fly, but I think teleportation would be the best. In an instant I could be anywhere I wanted to be. I would never be late for work again. I could have cheap rent because my apartment would be in the middle of nowhere, but seconds away from anywhere I need to be. I could have real Indian food for dinner anytime I want. I could work on my tan any day of the week, any time of year, on any beach in the world I want. Even if I only have half an hour free to do so.

Well.. it looks as though some forms of teleportation are possible! Scientists have been able to teleport the quantum identity (not that I know what that fully means) of one atom to another that is a few feet away. It is due to something called entanglement which sounds pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. I think you need to read the article about this that I read in the NYTimes. Pure brilliance. Not only does this teleportation of information only work one in every one hundred million attempts, it takes a full 10 minutes!

Read the article and laugh at what Dr. Monroe says near the end of it.

Pretty Loaded

This site is one of the most interesting sites I have come across in a very long time. As the name Pretty Loaded suggests, it is actually an archive of loading pages from websites, which as technology improves have become a thing of the past more often than not now. So slow down, and take a moment to enjoy the art of the page loader.

Ah, makes you want to sit back and enjoy the finer things in life…

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